Hope you like reading it, enjoy!
WALT choose words that describe a moment (in an exciting way) for the reader
YOUR SIGNS OF SUCCESS
- begins in the action
- present tense (I am, not I was)
- short, sharp sentences
- strong verbs
- language features (simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia, metaphor)
- show personality (sounds like you, humor, feelings, exaggeration)
Touching the Kiwi
Day one
Vroom, Vroom! The car goes. Everyone was already at the Pan Pac Kiwi Creche. “Oh man” I said to myself. We all walked to the front of the Kiwi Creche gate, it was big and nothing could get in except for birds of prey and mice. Cherry (the Kiwi caretaker) was calmly, carrying a box. “I bet a kiwi’s in that box”. Snap! The kiwi was angry because it was awoken from its sleep like getting woken at 2:30am in the morning. Snap! Again it was angry, when it did snap it made me blink. Its fur felt soft and spiky. It feels amazing touching the kiwi on the back, I feel incredibly lucky! I've never felt a kiwi before, it was my first time. After that we were heading back to the car, Nikkitah.H goes to the toilets. The next thing I know, a bunch of kids are going to the toilet! I think 18 or 23 kids running for their life! We all walked to our vehicles and drove to Camp Kaitawa.
We were all so lucky!
ReplyDeleteYou captured the moment for the reader. I like how you describe the little kiwi being angry, Tyrone.
That was a great moment about camp. Good job keep all that good writing up it's amazing. About the kiwi when It was angry and snapped with its beak that was great.
ReplyDeleteWow Tyrone amazing story. It was my first time touching A kiwi to.
ReplyDeleteCool Tyrone what a amazing story I like how you describe this like getting woken up at 2:30am in the morning.
ReplyDeleteAwesome Tyrone
ReplyDeletegreat begining in the action
keep the great work up
Spectacular kiwi story Tyrone. Keep up the good work Tyrone
ReplyDeleteWow Tyrone you have done some really fantastic writing I like how you go "oh man" because we were not the first people there! Well Done Tyrone keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteGreat writing, was a wonderful experience to pat a kiwi
ReplyDelete